rudeman07
Posts:14
 | | 07/25/2007 8:26 PM |
 Alert | need some advice from this site
I have a 4 year old girl and I had her late in life (I am in my 40's)...when I come home from work, my daughter is all over me and we play around for like 15 minutes...then I eat dinner and all I want to do is relax and watch some sports on tv or news...she is still with me and following me wherever I go..sometimes it is overwhelming how she is always on my lap or my back...meanwhile I just want to relax and kick back..and tell her to just stay still for a while and give me some space...this goes on for a while till she ends up crying then that makes me feel bad...at night before I go to sleep I have so much guilt that I find it hard to go to sleep right away....same thing in the morning (feel guilty), I bless myself that I have a beautiful daughter
and dont know why I am like this.... thanks.... | | | |
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mom 2 BNM
Posts:122
| | 07/25/2007 8:48 PM |
Alert | | Have you considered finding a way to wind down before you get home? Try going to the gym or stopping by the library to read the newspaper. That way, by the time you get home, you'll be re-energized and ready to face the second half of your day. | | | |
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TMarie
Posts:0
| | 07/25/2007 8:50 PM |
Alert | Oh, enjoy it while it lasts! Pretty soon she's not going to want to snuggle with you or be with you..she's going to want to hang with her friends and then you'll be like "where's all the attention!" LOL
You're not a bad dad..just an overwhelmed dad!
I have a four year old son and he understands that sometimes Mommy needs to do her thing, and he needs to do his. But, then we always make time for each other too. Four year olds are pretty smart...they know more than they let on!
Try having picnics on the floor while eating dinner. Make bedtime special by reading a book or two with her before tucking her in.
While you want to watch TV, why don't you have her sit on the floor with you and have her color or draw her favorite pictures so that you can tuck in your wallet or in the visor of your car. Or, hang in your office if you have one.
When my husband walks in the door, my kids are ALL over him like white on rice. So, I can see where it can be overwhelming. Dh just wants to sit down for a little bit and relax and I can see where he gets flustered, but he gives in because he knows their bedtime is usually 7:30/8:00 pm..which gives him plenty of time for relaxing, catching ESPN.
Nope, not a bad dad..just overwhelmed! <img src='http://www.85239.com/desktopmodules/ntforums/images/emoticons/smile.gif' height='20' width='20' border='0' title='Smile' align='absmiddle'> | | | |
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cptpizza
Posts:75
| | 07/25/2007 10:28 PM |
Alert | First, let me say this:
THANK YOU!!!!!! I feel the same way. Its nice to know that apparently this is a very natural feeling. I have a (almost) 1 year old, and my wife has a 7 year old that knows only me as his father since he was 2. Sometimes I feel crowded by the kids, even though I love them to death. My wife does most of the work when it comes to the kids, I have to give her credit.
I used to work really late, and often the kids were in bed prior to me getting home. Recently, I have changed jobs and I don't have to put in as many hours. I take what I can get with them, but there are still days that I need some space.
A couple of suggestions I have that I think have worked really well for us.
1. Get the kids involved in what you like to watch. I know often this is easier said than done. For example, I am a huge NASCAR fan. I would just turn the races on, and he eventually got excited about them too. I know you mentioned you have a girl, but what I have found is that kids worship their fathers/mothers. After doing it with you enough times, whether they initially liked it or not, often they will realize it is important to you, and it becomes important to them.
2. For us, a specified bed time has helped. Our kids are in bed promptly at 8:00pm. This does two things. First, it gives the kids structure, which they need (at least thats what my mom told me when I was a kid.) Second, it gives us a couple of hours to spend some adult time (get your mind out of the gutter...) watching TV or spending time with one another.
I will say this though. I can be having the worst day and come home angry. Something as simple as a hug for no reason from the little guys or even just a grin when I walk in the door from one of them can turn my worst day around. I wouldn't trade it for anything....
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stinkerbell2
Posts:0
| | 07/25/2007 10:42 PM |
Alert | I think it would help to get Tivo! You laugh but it has saved my sanity! For the shear reason I can spend "quality time" not just quantity time with my 2 y/o. and after she is in bed I can "unwind" to my favorite show. Also I have a 15 y/o who wants NOTHNG to do with me-so like TMarie said- soon she wont have time in her day for you and you will become just a ride and an ATM machine.Cherish these fleeting years my friend. LOL That said make a date" night with her...take her to the ice cream parlor and just have one on one with her or be the one to tuck her in on some nights- give her her bath-soon she will be locking the door and you wont see her for hours once she is in there LOL
I think is sweet that you posted this cus as a sahm the time between 5-6 when dh gets home DRAG for me!! I cant wait for him to "take over" for awhile.
But seriuosly...GET TiVO or DVR- | | | |
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cptpizza
Posts:75
| | 07/25/2007 10:55 PM |
Alert | I second the Tivo thing. I used to think it was the dumbest idea I had ever heard of until I got one. Now I never miss an episode of 24.
Or House....
Or Prison Break....
Or (you get the point).... | | | |
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TC.
Posts:0
| | 07/26/2007 9:09 AM |
Alert | To her you are IT! I was a daddy's girl all the way. He was the best dad ever! Unfortunately, he died when I was 13. I can still remember all that we did and the kind of man he was. He had five kids and we were his world. He went to all our track meets, cheerleading competitions and my brother's football games. My mom never made the time for any of these things. I have no fond memories of my mom for those 13 years. It was all about dad because dad was in our life. Mom was too busy.
I have a 13 & 14 year old. I wish they were 4 yrs old again. I would love to go back in time. It seems like you blink and they are teenagers and to think I only have them here a few more years makes me sick.
It seems as soon as they start school....the years just fly by =(
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Sinbad
Posts:3053
| | 07/26/2007 10:17 AM |
Alert | Everyone feels like this. I get up at 6:00 am go to work. Work from 7:30am-4:00pm. As soon as I walk in the house, I get full charge of the 6 month old. No more playing games for 5 hours after work or going to have a beer with the boys(as much). It's in the door and start taking care of my future.
She usually goes to bed around 7 pm -8pm on a good day. Sometimes on a bad day ... she will stay up till 10:00 pm being a pretty little pain in daddy's side. Me time starts when she goes to sleep and ends when I am sleep in my chair or when the wife gets up to go to work around Midnight. Then it's 5 or so hours of sleep and back to the same thing over again.
Oh yeah... Saturday's I have her(usually all day till night)and Sunday's (until the wife gets up from sleeping in).
So I know what you mean... 7 days a week up between 6-8 am. Not much sleep time at all.
This is my first baby and we are about the same age... soo yeah I can relate.
1. Set the bed time.
2. Set up Nap time.
3. set up me time.
Three things to remember.
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Just doing it one day at a time. Change is good and it should be looked upon as an improvment! not a problem.
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Joined old forum March 2006
Post count: 3068 + these | |
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MommaToni
Posts:1045
| | 07/26/2007 10:29 AM |
Alert | dEFINITELY ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!
My daughter is going to be 3 in Oct. she is a total mama's gril. My hubby works ALOT so it's usually just her and I. She NEVER wanted him cause I do everything. Just recently she started wanting him. He gets home and will get cranky too that he needs to unwind but what you have to realize is that these children need you and and to know that you need them. Just make a certain amount of time for just the 2 of you to read or color or whatever they like to do. Tell them, give me 30minutes to unwind (set a timer) when that time is up it is your time together. Then they will come to anticipate your time and know that if they are patient they will get theirs. | |
Ppppppbbbbbbssssssssssttttttttt! | |
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Tjtellez9
Posts:228
| | 07/26/2007 10:44 AM |
Alert | | You are far from a bad dad. I feel the same way. | | | |
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JoshMoni
Posts:81
| | 07/26/2007 11:05 AM |
Alert | | I dont think you are a bad Dad, I think all of us meaning Moms and Dads feel like that at some point... and that is why is better when Mom and Dad are together so the tasks can be share... and Mom and Dad can take turns... Like prev peep said, just remember that they grow and grow fast!! FAST! too fast... is like you blink your eyes and they are already 4... we are soooo amazed of looking at our 4 year old... in some months will be 5 and will go to school... I can close my eyes and remember when he was 1 year old... | | | |
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rudeman07
Posts:14
| | 07/26/2007 8:13 PM |
Alert | | I want to thank everybody for all the insight..I will take a bit from all and start today.............sinbad..you are a great dad.....tc, very inspirational...once again thanks everyone.. | | | |
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CrownNCoke
Posts:810
| | 07/26/2007 8:35 PM |
Alert | | some good advise here for a soon to be dad!!! thanks | |
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung | |
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anewman
Posts:670
| | 07/26/2007 9:58 PM |
Alert | Some good advice on here. These feelings are natural because there is so much you want to do with them but work and the everyday stresses mean you need some of your own time too.
A good thing to do is look back to your childhood. What were your parents like. Are you trying to live up to that or wanting to provide love and attention that wasn't there for you. In a way you should be trying to do both- live up to the good and improve on the areas you feel were lacking.
I am a single dad and I only get my son part of the time. I miss the days when I saw him everyday. Our routine was he would jump on me as soon as I walked in the door, we would wrestle for a little bit, I'd make dinner, and then give him a bath. After bath I would lay down with him and read him a book each night.
Now I do not get him everynight but the routine is still much the same and he is going on 8. If we get home early enough we will wrestle or color together, make dinner, he takes a bath or shower and then I tuck him in. Sometimes we have time for a book and sometimes we don't. There are times I am so tired I will fall asleep for a little while in his bed with him.
I know I am being better than a lot of dad's in my situation but I still get those feelings you described.
It is the fact that you think you are not being good enough that shows you are a good dad!! You should be your harshest critic. | |
"The jouney of life is as much in oneself' as the roads one travels"
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Mommystacey
Posts:186
| | 07/26/2007 10:39 PM |
Alert | | I am a new parent but I do know that they are only this age once. Bless every moment you get. You can get sleep and relaxation later when she is all grown up and not needing you as much!!! | | | |
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garden glow
Posts:705
| | 07/26/2007 11:12 PM |
Alert | | The simple fact that you think your a" BAD DAD" means you're a GREAT DAD..your in tune with your child's feelings and your own, if you've got that..you're way ahead of most...!! | |
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Ratboy
Posts:0
| | 08/11/2007 1:12 PM |
Alert | | Thank god I thought I was the only one who thought I was a terrible father. I have two girls and sometimes after being outside all day I just like to come home and sit and relax but I feel terrible when I get too tired to play around. I did get them interested in my interest but sometimes I feel like thats not enough. Thanks for letting me get some advice | | | |
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delby
Posts:0
| | 08/13/2007 6:19 AM |
Alert | | you sound like you are lazy and selfish for wanting to turn the kid off and turn on the tv. Turn that tube off and enjoy the sweet memories of children. I work a lot of hours and feel as you do some times so grabbing a book and reading it keeps me awake. For godsakes buy an energy drink on the way home. | | | |
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drummer72
Posts:3886
| | 08/14/2007 8:04 PM |
Alert | | I understand how you feel. But, I'm a SAHD so I can understand why my daughter digs being around me all the time. Seriously, enjoy the time you have , because one day she'll be having her own family and you won't ever be able to pick her up and hold her like you do now. | |
"Everything for everyone and nothing for ourselves" | |
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agit8d
Posts:209
| | 08/16/2007 1:04 PM |
Alert | Tivo in every room.. I have 3 tivos and 3 kids. 6, 10 and 11....but i love every minute of it... race day is the only time i want to sit and watch it live but i have lots of races recorded.
IMHO....now is the time to get a strong bond.. when they start growing older and you want to be more involved...THEY won't want you too.....on and 42 yrs old here | |
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