vzuniga
Posts:67
 | | 09/24/2007 1:06 PM |
 Alert | I just don't know what to do now that my sister-in-law and I have practically ruined our relationship that I thought was good, forever. I am so upset at the whole situation.
She is taking my son whom is 5 to Disneyland for like the 3rd time without even inviting my 10 yr old daughter, which is her step-niece. Before my son was born she did things with my daughter and then all of a sudden stopped.
Am I blowing this out of proportion or should I be upset? | | | |
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dfl
Posts:115
| | 09/24/2007 2:38 PM |
Alert | No, I think you should speak up on bahalf of your daughter. Children are a lot smarter than we realize, that being said she understands the whole not really my aunt thing. I have a step-neice and I treat her no different than her little sister. She tells me little things so I know she understands. Her mom was in this relationship since she was 6 and now she's 12 and the stupid family just doesn't get. I make it a point to make a big deal over her b/c she doesn't know her real father.
Besides what child doesn't want to go to Disneyland. | | | |
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MommaToni
Posts:1045
| | 09/24/2007 2:44 PM |
Alert | Yeah, that's totally unfair. I wouldn't let my son go. I would say I am sorry but if both our children are not welcome then we will have to go as a family later.
Even though she is young she does understand and I am sure that it makes her feel horrible. Especially if she was the center of attention before.
You have every right to be upset. | |
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eddie
Posts:58
| | 09/24/2007 3:09 PM |
Alert | I wouldn't let her take my son either. There are times when one child gets to do things the other doesn't, but in my experience that luxury goes to the older child. This is your family, stand up for your daughter even if it means causing a rift with your sil.
Your daughter will remember. | | | |
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vzuniga
Posts:67
| | 09/24/2007 3:09 PM |
Alert | | This has brought such horrible thoughts and past "favors" up and now just for sticking up for my daughter my so called sister in law is being a complete witch. I thought I'd might be going crazy because I was thinking this and my husband doesn't understand either that it's unfair! UGH!!! | | | |
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My3AAAs!
Posts:109
| | 09/24/2007 3:28 PM |
Alert | I have a step niece and treat her just like I treat her little brother. It would be extremely rude to not do so and it's not the kids fault that they are a step whatever.
Is it maybe a money issue that they can't afford to take both kids? If that's the case then maybe send her money for your daughter so that she can go with them. There was four of us kids in my family and my grandparents could not afford to take all of us at once to Disneyland so they would split us up and take 2 of us at a time.
If that's not the case and they are just not taking her just because she is a step child then I would inform her that she can not take your son if your daughter is not included and treated like she is part of the family and made to feel welcome. | | | |
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vzuniga
Posts:67
| | 09/24/2007 3:47 PM |
Alert | | Well it is supposedly a money issue but if I went into detail then it wouldn't make any sense of it being a money issue. Thanks for your input. | | | |
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YZRacer
Posts:1580
| | 09/24/2007 4:03 PM |
Alert | As a step-child, I remember the AWFUL unfairness that it seemed to bring. I hated that there was a difference between his kids/her kids. Your daughter notices, trust me, she can tell there is a preference in treatment. I think, as your parental duty, you need to say it's both or none.
Slightly different situation. My FIL married a wonderful woman, and at the time, all the children (he had 3, she had 2) were 16 years old and up. FIL's mother has made it very clear that she does not and will not recognize step-MIL's children as her grandchildren. Christmas is awful! Everyone is there, and step-MIL's daughters (who I whole heartedly consider to be my sisters in law, just as much as DH's biological sister) are lucky to get a card. While I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, the blatent inequality in treatment is clear. I know it's uncomfortable for them, and I feel so bad! FIL and step-MIL have been WONDERFUL about being equal with all the kids, grandkids, etc.
Be honest with your SIL, and if she chooses this to be the end of your friendship/relationship, then that is HER decision | |
If you can't spot the loser, it might be you
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Jodypag
Posts:203
| | 09/24/2007 4:40 PM |
Alert | If she cant afford both then decline. My kids are the same age, and my oldest is not my husbands biological child. I can tell you now ANY of his family did what your SIL is doing I would take it in offense too. I understand it might be hard for your husband to comprehend but I would tell her "thanks but no thanks" My children are either treated equal and both go, or not at all, If its a money issue then I am sorry but it is not fair to his sister. I thankfully have never had to deal with this personally (my husband also is a only child) but I have always been from the start that my kids are treated the same and no one gets special treatment. of course it hasnt been a issue, but If I was faced with the same thing I would seriously put my foot down (sorry it is somewhat a sore spot for me regardless)
besides the fact if there is more to it, how dare she try and put the children in the middle of whats going on between both of you and how childish of her. | |
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Bionicbunny
Posts:405
| | 09/24/2007 4:57 PM |
Alert | | I'm still stuck on the part where the 5 year old has been away for several days, 3 times. How old was he the first time you let him go?! Maybe I'm overprotective, but he just seems so young to have been away from you or his dad overnight so much. | | | |
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dfl
Posts:115
| | 09/24/2007 5:07 PM |
Alert | | Bionicbunny you are overprotective, it's the kids aunt gimme a break. | | | |
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vzuniga
Posts:67
| | 09/24/2007 5:27 PM |
Alert | He has stayed with her for a couple days but all three times that he went to Disneyland he didn't stay with her.
Bionicbunny you are overprotective. My husband won't let him too long but when I had my 2 yr old we had no choice but to have my son out there with family because we had none here.
I do feel bad for my husband because he's torn between myself and his sister but I am going to defend my daughter's unfairness with his family. | | | |
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MommaToni
Posts:1045
| | 09/25/2007 10:11 AM |
Alert | See, I am overprotective too. My daughter is 3 and has never stayed over night any where and won't anytime soon. haha I just can't do it. I miss her when she is in preschool..haha
I don't get any help either. My family lives Back East, Mexico and few about an hour or so away. My in laws live in town but they don't watch her either.
I think it's all on how comfortable you are with it. I know people that send their kids off young too. There isn't a right or wrong...just what's right for your child and every one thinks differently.
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Sinbad
Posts:3016
| | 09/25/2007 10:22 AM |
Alert | 1. Has you SIL taken your Daughter to Disneyland in the past?
If so .. Explain to your daughter that it's the Sons turn.
2. If she hasn't taken the daughter, than it's "take all or non".
It would not be fair at all.... I know this from first hand. My father divoriced my mother when I was like 11 and my father would always only come and pick up my little brother and not take any of the oldest 5 kids anywhere. I was second oldest and there was a 7 year gap between me and my little brother.
tell the Witch to take a hike or you are going to throw water on her! | |
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Bionicbunny
Posts:405
| | 09/25/2007 10:50 AM |
Alert | <div class='NTForums_Quote'>Posted By dfl on 09/24/2007 5:07 PM
Bionicbunny you are overprotective, it's the kids aunt gimme a break.</div>
Yes, I did read that it was the kids aunt. Who cares? I can see a sleepover with a family member for 1 night, but not several days in a row and so many times in his little 5 year old life. Who cares if it is his aunt, uncle, grandmother, cousin, or a friend? He is away from his family.
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vzuniga
Posts:67
| | 09/25/2007 11:13 AM |
Alert | Well I guess it's everyones preference but that is one of the reasons why she is being such a witch. She is very mad that we won't let him at all. Imagine if I tried telling her that he can't ever go with her anywhere by himself? She will probably come and shoot me. LOL She is very mad that we won't let him go.
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JonAndAshly
Posts:232
| | 09/25/2007 11:24 AM |
Alert | That is definitely not right that she is doing that. My mother is like that sort of. I had my son with my first husband and when we split up I stayed with her for a few months so now she says she has a "special bond" with him. I then got married and had my daughter. They are only 15 months apart but she treats my daughter so much differently than my son. She was at my son’s birth and when I had my daughter she wouldn’t even come to the hospital 5 miles away from her house to see her. She always calls to ask about my son but never my daughter. She does this because she doesn’t like my husband for stupid reasons. It’s really not fair that she treats my daughter differently though.
On the other side of the spectrum there is my mother in law. She is wonderful. She treats my son no differently even though he is not blood related to her. She treats my son and daughter exactly the same.
I think it is so sad to see children treated badly for reasons that are not their fault and that they can’t understand. It's just not right. I would really think of your daughter’s feelings and not let your son go. | | | |
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Bionicbunny
Posts:405
| | 09/25/2007 11:29 AM |
Alert | <div class='NTForums_Quote'>Posted By vzuniga on 09/24/2007 5:27 PM
when I had my 2 yr old we had no choice but to have my son out there with family because we had none here.
</div>
I kept my older one with me so he could bond with the baby too. I'm definately not saying it was easy, but I wouldn't have wanted him to feel left out like he wasn't part of things or not bond with his little brother. It's good your little one doesn't have separation anxiety though. Thats one thing you won't have to worry about. | | | |
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My3AAAs!
Posts:109
| | 09/25/2007 11:44 AM |
Alert | Does your Daughter have a relationship with her biological father? If so how does this affect your son?
I have an inherited niece through my husband that has 3 kids. One of her kids is by a different father than the other 2. Anyways, we all on my husbands side treats all three kids the same but the one that has a different father is completely spoiled by her real dad and his family. They shower her with tons of gifts and take her to cool places during the weekends that they have her. This of course makes the other 2 kids feel really bad but they have no connection or relationship with their older sisters father and family.
I personally have not had my kids away from me overnight since all of our families live out of state but I think it's not wrong to do have them stay with relatives on mini vacations if the parents and kids are comfortable with it. | | | |
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Copa Conscious
Posts:379
| | 09/25/2007 12:26 PM |
Alert | <div class='NTForums_Quote'>Posted By vzuniga on 09/24/2007 1:06 PM
I just don't know what to do now that my sister-in-law and I have practically ruined our relationship that I thought was good, forever. I am so upset at the whole situation.
She is taking my son whom is 5 to Disneyland for like the 3rd time without even inviting my 10 yr old daughter, which is her step-niece. Before my son was born she did things with my daughter and then all of a sudden stopped.
Am I blowing this out of proportion or should I be upset? </div>
Why are you trying to ruin your son's vacation? You are just going to create bad feelings by making this a bigger deal than it is. Your SIL has no relation to your other kid and obviously she has no interest in spending time with her.
So, you can let your son have a great time or you can ruin it for everyone.
Blame it on all your different baby-daddies. | | | |
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