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| | Author | Messages | |
Mouwser
Posts:24
 | | 09/10/2007 8:26 PM |
 Alert | I just wanted to input as to what others have tried for tantrums. I have an 18 month-old son and occasionally he will throw a tantrum where he screams if he doesn't get what he wants. It's anything from not getting the salt or pepper shaker at the dinner table to not getting a pen or pencil that we have been using to the type of cup we put his milk or water in. If we say no, he will scream, we put him on his time out pillow, and it can take several minutes for him to stop. I would say 95 % of the time we just let him cry until he's done. Is there anything else we can try that might work?
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| | Sp.ed.Tchr
Posts:142
| | 09/10/2007 10:55 PM |
Alert | I have a 2 year old and know exactly what you are talking about!
Whenever possible, I walk away and pretend I can't see or hear him while he is screaming/crying. For example, wanting a different cup than the cup that I put his drink in...I set the cup on the counter and walk away. He will usually follow to see where I am going then go back to get the cup and drink it!
I also use distraction a lot. He too likes pens/nail clippers/etc. I take the item away, tell him that it is only for Mommy and Daddy, put it up high and sit on the floor to play with his toys. He will typically come play with me after a brief cry/attempt to get the item.
I gave up on time out except for extreme misbehaviors because he thought it was a game and didn't really understand what was happening. Recently I began putting his toys in time out....like if he is hitting the TV with a bat, the bat has to go to time out. He thinks it is fun to put the item in time out and it gets him to stop the behavior and give me the item without having to chase him around the house to get it.
Keep in mind that as he grows and is able to understand more, your approach will need to grow and change as well! | | | |
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| | b1011d
Posts:42
| | 09/11/2007 1:13 AM |
Alert | Children at that age want to have control over situations, especially if there are many other situations they feel they don't have control over (naps, siblings going to school, mom and dad going to work). Rather than fight an inevitable battle, give him choices. 2 are simple enough. "blue cup or red cup?" "Spiderman or Batman Pajamas?"
Keep request to short sentences "shoes on" rather than "you need to get your shoes on so Mommy can go to the store."
Remember to give warnining before removing a child from a prefered activity "5 more mintutes" (set a timer if needed) Most behaviors are results of poor transitioning.
First and last works well, too. "First brush teeth, then story" It helps give the child a sense of what to expect.
Most importantly, do not give in to whining. Wait until they are calm enough to use words or point to make a request. Reminding them during a tantrum in a calm voice "use your words" will help bring thier voice down as well.
Good Luck! | | | |
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| | Krzy
Posts:53
| | 09/11/2007 1:48 AM |
Alert | For starters, you have to decide if you like the behavior. If you dont, then you have to correct the behavior. Corrections could include everything from a nasty glare to a full blown spanking. The latter being in the most extreme cases. Kids aren't dumb, they just need boundaries and guidance.
There's no shame in taking him away from the dinner table if he's acting inappropriately. 'That isn't how we act at the dinner table', 'those are not your salt/pepper shakers', and 'That is the cup your milk is in, there are no other cups with your milk right now'. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away, it makes the response acceptable. You have to address the things you don't like or they won't stop.
I've seen too many parents in the store with kids going nuts, and they do nothing to correct the behavior. They try to ignore it and eventually give in to it. It's sad really. With my daughter, I always made it clear that she was embarrasing herself and that she would go sit in the car until I was finished shopping. I've walked her to the car from stores, restaurants and movies. Each time, she learned that her behavior was unacceptable and she straightened up. She never sat in the car by herself, but I've sat in the car one more than one occasion while Mommy shopped.Remember, these are not rational adults you're dealing with.
She was spanked a total of 3 times up to the age of 7. Those were situations where she could have hurt herself, or others. Other than that it was a matter of making it clear what did and did not belong to her and is and is not acceptable behavior for a situation. I never 'child proofed' my house, I had stereo equipment and other electronics easily within her reach and she never touched any of it because she knew that it did not belong to her.
Part of good parenting is setting boundaries and enforcing them. Structure is critical. If you dont teach rules now, what do you think is going to happen when you're not around? Don't make threats you're not willing to follow up on. The touchy feely approach doesn't work. Period. Take a trip to one of the local parks with the kids that people are talking about, those kids were raised by friends that didn't provide structure our boundaries.
You're raising a child, not a friend. Sometimes you have to do the stuff that isn't fun with the greater goal in mind. I hate punishing/correcting my daughter, and I'm glad it is a rare occasion. To this day I still provide guidance and boundaries. Lately we're working on a task to do a good job rather than go through the motions. Probably my toughest challenge yet.
Once the child learns to respect boundaries, the rest is easy. As guidelines for what is and is not acceptable become clear, everything falls into place and 'the look' is enough to make a correction. You just have to be willing to be a parent instead of a friend while teaching boundaries. | |
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail."
- Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) | |
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| | My3AAAs!
Posts:113
| | 09/11/2007 9:56 AM |
Alert | | What I try to do is positive reinforcement. There are days when I am constantly on my oldest daughter (who just turned 3) for not listening or throwing a fit and I have to put her in time out constantly. So what I found that works for her is saying out of the blue "Hey, I am so proud of you, you are listening to me" or "I am so proud of the way you put your toys away." or "Remember the day you put all your toys away. That was such a GREAT job" or "I just love how you share the toys with your little sister because you are helping mommy teach her how to share". By doing that she will typically stop her bad behavior and goes out of her way to behaving good. This tends to work much better than the constant time out and telling her all the time that she is doing something bad. | | | |
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| | JoshMoni
Posts:78
| | 09/11/2007 11:11 AM |
Alert | HI! Tantrums! I've experience them maybe two times, and that is all, too little? well my husband and I we kind of have the same language for our boys, they need to be respectful and if they want something they can ask nice. We have read a book that helped us a lot. If you want more info feel free to PM.
We do not ignore, we don't scream, we talk and explain the main rules, if they are broken we talk and spank him. If you want the name of the book feel free to PM me. | | | |
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|  | Sp.ed.Tchr
Posts:142
| | 09/11/2007 9:38 PM |
Alert | I was practically asleep at the computer when I wrote my response last night and didn't include all the things that I do to prevent us from even getting to the tantrum stage.
The biggest thing is a consistent routine. My son is so used to the daycare sweeping and mopping their dining area after pm snack (kids are blocked out) that he asks to mop on the weekends after nap! Do your best to schedule weekend activities around your child's routine - especially sleep patterns!
Even though it drives my hubby crazy, I give him 2 choices whenever possible so that he is used to having to decide. Plus, he feels a little bit of control over the situation because he picked what he got.
I do "first, then" a lot...and model it with my husband. We also model how "please" gets things done. {Mommy can have the ball if she says please.} (He has come down with a bad case of the "gimmes" recently - We have been working to change it to "May I have it, please?" which he says as "have it peace?")
I always say things in a complete "grown up" sentence first and then simplify with key words, such as if he hands his cup to me and grunts/whines. I say "I want more milk, please. Can you say it?" {he attempts to repeat} then I say "Good Job! More milk please." | | | |
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| | VikingsFan
Posts:31
| | 09/12/2007 9:44 PM |
Alert | You are not alone having a son having constant tantrums. My son just turned 16 months old and he is a disaster. the second he doesn't get his way he screams and cries and throws things or himself on the floor. all of those "rational suggestions" made by the others do not work on a toddler with zero impulse control and a very limited vocabulary.
i have a 3 year old daughter who was an angel. Never had a fit and I never babyproofed anything either because she obeyed when i said no. this one thinks no is a challenge. i have never given him what he wants when he has his tantrums.
things are getting a little bit better. If I can't distract him and the tantrum starts, I just make sure he is safe and walk away, out of the room preferably. If I am in public, I take him home. The less of a reaction you give, the less he will do it because it doesn't work. Never reward the fit or they will never stop happening. the time-outs generally don't work at this young age b/c they don't understand the correlation between the bad behavior and the time-out.
good luck - and remember that you are not alone!! | | | |
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| | Judit
Posts:188
| | 09/13/2007 7:39 PM |
Alert | I do not know if you are familiar with Happiest babies on the block series. I have them, and the next one is the Happiest Toddler on the block!
My 15 mos old does tantrums sometimes I have tried the methods, and IT WORKED!!!!!!!!
So if you wanna borrow mine, you can do that or go and get it for your own!!!
I DEFINATELY LOVE IT!!!!
Judit | |
Old Username: JKH200405 | |
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